"I, soon-to-be bride or groom, take you, Wedding Stress, to be my inevitable but manageable reality. I promise to acknowledge you, to tame you and to stop you from getting in the way of a happy, significant event."
Yes, wedding planning can get a little hairy. Pin the stress on late RSVPs and flaky bridesmaids. Pin it on the unavailable venue or the too-tight dress. Pin it on the mixing of families, monetary perimeters or the sudden self-reflection of your identity and perhaps faith. Or pin it on the innards-shaking (and hopefully exciting) feeling before jumping off a cliff with another person, vowing to catch each other and not get too grumpy when one of you continually laments the late RSVPs. It adds up.
"Step back, take a break, take a breath and really celebrate the journey that you're on," suggests Hope Mirlis, a New York wedding officiant, ordained minister and creator of The Zen Bride workshop. Easier said than done? Let Mirlis and Meg Keene, editor-and-chief of the A Practical Wedding website and author of the book of the same name, help you forever hold your peace throughout the wedding process with these tips:
Take care of yourself. You're preparing for what (we hope) will be one of the happiest days of your life, which will launch you into what (we assume) will be a strong, special union. So it's probably not the time to get sick. Or fatigued. Or feel less than 100 percent. Try – really, truly try – to snag those crucial seven to eight hours of sleep and eat healthfully. Exercise will go a long way to keep you healthy and vanquish stress, so just like you scheduled time to meet with the caterer, carve out space in your planner to go for a meditative run or attend a yoga class.
Treat yourself mentally, too, by getting a massage or mandating a day of the week when you simply don't discuss the wedding, Keene suggests. Try breathing exercises. Meditate. In fact, meditation is one relaxing aspect of Mirlis' The Zen Bride workshop, along with yoga and bonding with other women who are preparing for their weddings.
And don't forget to laugh. A good guffaw goes a long way to relieve stress by increasing feel-good endorphins, easing your stress response and promoting circulation and muscle relaxation, according to the Mayo Clinic. So make a conscious effort to laugh more by hanging out with funny friends, going to an improv show, perusing silly puppy videos online or watching your favorite sitcom. Go with whatever works for you to laugh more and stress less.
[Read: 10 Tips to Lighten Up and Laugh.]
Delegate tasks – especially on the big day. "You cannot be in charge on your wedding day, because you cannot both have the experience of getting married and try to manage an event," Keene says. "It’s like trying to give birth and also be your own doctor." Keene's No. 1 piece of advice: Appoint a "wedding stage manager" – someone who will take care of the logistical details of the big day so you can calmly observe and enjoy the event, rather than frantically call late bridesmaids and check on the caterers. A wedding planner can fill this role, and so can a (more affordable) day-of-wedding coordinator, who is hired to manage the D-Day details.
The cheapest option? A reliable, organized friend. Keene points out that this friend should not be someone who is a "player" on the wedding stage, like a bridesmaid, nor should she be an emotionally invested family member. Float the request to other friends who'd like to help, and stress to whomever takes the role that you're not expecting perfection and won't get mad if something goes wrong. Meet with this friend ahead of the wedding, and talk through your plans and expectations so she's equipped to manage them, says Keene, who suggests handing over a binder with contact lists, timelines and other important information.
[Read: The Do's and Don'ts of Friendship.]
Because you've delegated, Keene and Mirlis say you should give up something else on your wedding day that's very special: your cellphone. This is one day you do not need the distraction, so hand it off to your coordinator or someone else. Mirlis points out: "Who is going to be calling you? Are people going to be calling you and saying 'Congratulations!' And do you need to see that right then?"
Get some perspective. Refocus your lens on the relationship rather than wedding day perfection by participating in what Mirlis calls "love rituals." These activities help couples remember why they're getting married and that "the strength of the union is celebrated not only for one day, but for a lifetime," Mirlis says. Continue going on dates throughout the months and weeks leading up to the wedding, she urges, and write each other love letters. Read these notes to each other the morning of the wedding – or better yet, on the sometimes-anticlimactic next day. "A lot of times, people are so excited, and then after the wedding, they're like, 'Uh, now what?'" Mirlis says. "So this could be a fun thing to do over breakfast the next morning."
Another way to get some perspective is through premarital counseling, which Keene strongly suggests, whether it's faith-based or through a secular therapist or couples counselor. In these sessions, couples typically focus on their relationship and plans for building a strong marriage – significant topics that make the unfinished seating arrangements seem less catastrophic. "Couples counseling makes you look at the big picture – I mean big picture – like the next-50-years picture," says Keene, who practiced what she preached ahead of her 2009 wedding. "I would walk out of it being like, 'Oh, OK, I can completely manage the next three months. It may be stressful, but it’s three months in a lifetime."
[Read: How to Improve Communication With Your Partner.]
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